Lily endures excruciating pain in order to have her feet bound. What reasons are given for this dangerous practice?

Do you think the concept of "old sames" exists today? Do you have an "old same," or are you part of a sworn sisterhood? In what ways are those relationships similar or different from the ones in nineteenth-century China?

Did See's descriptions of footbinding remind you of any Western traditions?

When Lily and Snow Flower are girls, they have one intimate --- almost erotic --- moment together. Do you think their relationship was sexual or, given the times, were they simply girls who saw this only as an innocent extension of their friendship?

If some men in 19th-century China knew about nu shu and “old same” friendships, why do you think they allowed these traditions to persist?

The Chinese character for "mother love" consists of two parts: one meaning "pain," the other meaning "love." In your own experience, from the perspective of a mother or a daughter, is there an element of truth to this description of mother love?

Reflecting on her first few decades, Lily seems to think her friendship with Snow Flower brought her more good than harm. Do you agree?

In the story, we are told again and again that women are weak and worthless. But were they really? In what ways did Lily and Snow Flower show their strength and value?

Lily's adherence to social customs can seem controversial to us today. Pick a scene where you would have acted differently. Why?

Madame Wang, the matchmaker, is a foot-bound woman and yet she does business with men. How is she different from the other women in the story? Do you think she is considered a woman of status or is she merely a necessary evil?

Lily defies the wishes of her son in order to pair her grandson with Peony. Does she fully justify her behavior?

Lily sometimes pulls us out of the present moment to reflect—as an old woman—on her youthful decisions. What does this device add to the story?

How would you film these moments of reflection?

If Lily is writing her story to Snow Flower in the afterworld, what do you think Snow Flower's response would or should be?

Did you recognize any aspects of your own friendships in the bond between Lily and Snow Flower?

In your opinion, is Lily, who is the narrator, the heroine or the villain? What are her flaws and her strengths?

Sources:

• Lit Lovers
• Reading Group Guides